i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
