You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
