hotel room ftw
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
