Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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