they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
