Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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