i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
