I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
