I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
