I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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