i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You are the jesus of drinking
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
