Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
