I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
this will be a night to untag.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
