i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Text me some of your sweat
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
