Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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