i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
