i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
