Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
