Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Randomize
