did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
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