i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You took a bar mat shot.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
