i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Randomize
