No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
