you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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