ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
