I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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