NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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