WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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