Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
