Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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