ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
