I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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