If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
