i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
