I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
