Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
