toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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