please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
