girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
