Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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