I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
