well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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