the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
