I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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