I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
i think i just lost a toe
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
