I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
