pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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