I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
