singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
