I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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