yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
