I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
lol hangovers are for mortals.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
