I want to stick my p in your. b.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Thank you for not boning my boss.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
