You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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