the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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