I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
