just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize