Fuck appropriateness.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
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I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
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I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize