A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Even my vagina gasped.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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