So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
