Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
