It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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