I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize