His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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