Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
